Doctors II

Evil Doctors - Cause and Effect

Buddhist teachings embedded in me teaches me on the laws of Karma, that when there is a cause, there is an effect. A spiritual obligation or debt that one must pay or recieve for the actions in his life. My beliefs threads deep and this faith in the supernatural often fuels more injustice in my family's saga with the medical profession.

As I write this, Dad lies weak, his strength drained from the intense pressures one feels after an operation. You did not hear me wrong, I said an operation. This was the inevitable I was decribing, this was the repercussions that I was predicting. You would remember in an ealier post that complications had occured, that Dad's current cardiac conditions forbids surgery. The cyst on his skin is actually a lipoma, a type of benign tumor, not cancerous because it doesn't invade neighbouring tissues, but often grow to great sizes superficially. Under the skin, blood vessels twine around the growth, feeding it. Yesterday, it raptured. The initial wound was not that deep, but still he bled profusely. They warded him and adviced that in order to prevent the lipoma from contaminating and ultimately poisoning the blood, it had to be removed. Surgery was inevitable.

As mentioned, Dad is on a medication call Asprin, used primarily to thin the blood, so that the 'stents' in his arteries do not collapse. Something that needs to be taken for life, if halted, he runs the risk of cardiac arrest. Needless to say, they proceeded, removing the lipoma, widening the wound. It has been 24 hours after the operation, and still the bleeding persist. Dad is weak, pale from vomitting, frail from blood loss. All from an operation classified as minor.

I must admit that I am filled with rage, but yet I try to understand that doctors made difficult decisions. Deciding on the patient's best interest, although sometimes I really wonder. I want someone to blame, I want someone to hurt for all the pain Dad needs to endure. I search endlessly through my mind for names and positions, but there are too many. And the government says there isn't enough, 1:700 ratio, thats almost 6500 of them, not enough?

I try to trace incidents and I end up with another resulting incident. The profuse bleeding caused by the blunder in the cardiac administration. The cardiac status, left undetected and only surfaced when they realised he hadn't cleared examination prior to transplant. Even the diagnosis of renal failure some 10 years ago was incompetant. Just last year, 8 years into dialysis, one kidney suffered internal bleedings. They operated to plug the wound and remarked, "Why put him on dialysis, his kidneys are still 30% functioning" It was a local anaesthetic surgery so Dad heard every word, his heart sank, my rage only grew.

Can I justify that life is 'like that', that things 'happen', that its never fair. No! Absolutely not. Not when there are blundering baffoons amidst the equation. Cause and effect, my faith demands that justice be served, yet in my innermost conscious, I want to serve it myself. Friends tell me they are just doing their jobs, agreed. The job of making a complete mockery of the sanctity of life. I work to put food on the table, to support the lives of my family and I believe many do so for the same reasons. These 'heroes' work in factors where mistakes and incompetancy cause suffering to others, and I often wonder if the very same bowl of rice we bring home ever taste the same.

And me, I can only do what a son must do. To give Dad the mental will and strength to push on. To give him a reason to stay alive. To tell him that he 'MUST' watch me graduate. To tell him that he 'MUST' carry his grandchild. To keep my body healthy so as I may be an immediate donor in an emergency. (why not now? them...again) These are those that are important now, my actions limited by the laws that protect them, my voice restricted to this channel of expression.

Tiffany just called, an ambulance is arriving soon to send Dad to CGH. The bleeding has not stopped. Even until now...

Pray with me my friends,
It is all I can do being so far away.

Epilogue

"dunno if daddy will live to see you graduate"
"i said before, you talk like that again and i'm not talking to you anymore"
- dad & me