Tormanguish - ~n ;a state of suffering so great no dictionary can explain
Not too long ago, I played a key role in an epic saga between two warring entities. On one end, an MNCs, large robust, overwhelmingly powerful and armed with a multitude of weapons. And across the plains where that battle was to be fought was me, small, insignificantly miniscule, shattered and vulnerable. Thus, the stage was set for a clash that would shatter the realms of cyberspace.
All right, maybe I have over exaggerated the facts here. However, it was undoubtedly an inconceivable blend of torment, anger and anguish. Friends, I give “tormanguish”. Well the story sets us back in mid September, on a fairly normal day during a fairly normal week, when my lodging rent was soon to be due. To prevent defamation issues, we shall address the MNC, which is a bank, as douche. Now for some security reasons for which up till today I cannot comprehend, douchebank needed to change my credit card. A new card was sent to my Singapore address, and I was notified that I could still use my existing card for 30 days before it terminates automatically. So after a few calls to their service center, the new credit card was to be couriered to me in Australia. Reaching this agreement, I knew I still had 30 days on my existing card to pay for rent, and so I did. My card couldn’t go through, I was horrified. Credit was my only means of payment in large sums, and when the transaction was rejected, I, in all state of lay humanity, squeezed my balls in panic. I called douchebank later that day and was told that the card had to be blocked in preparation of my receipt of the new card. I was horridly unhappy. In an eager need for douchbank to justify their actions, I sent the following letter.
To: The Customer Service Manager,
Ref: Unacceptable Customer Service
I am writing with regards to my recent experiences with your bank for which I am utterly disappointed in. I have been a douchbank customer for well over two years and it is with great dismay that I write this complaint.
On the 14th of September this year, I had been informed by my father, Mr. Giam Ai Keat, about a change in my Douchbank Platinum Opaque Visa Card. On the same day, it was made know to you over a phone call with my father, that I am currently residing in Australia and would hence be unable to receive the card that has been sent to my Singapore address. Immediately, it was requested that my existing card be extended until December when I will return to Singapore. This request was promptly denied, a decision I find hard to comprehend when other banks I have had experiences with, graciously accommodated a request of similar nature. Hence, it was agreed that the new card be sent to my current residence in Australia. On the 15th of September, I received an acknowledgement call confirming my address and detailing that I should receive my new card within a week.
The very next day, I tried to make a regular payment with my current card but the transaction was repeatedly denied. It was only after a call to your customer service hotline that I realise that my card had been blocked. I am deeply shocked and cannot stress enough that such critical information should have been made known to me. I had not been informed, preceding the conversations on the 14th or the 15th of September, that my existing card would be blocked.
This act is truly unacceptable. Not only have you denied my initial request, but you have also made a conscious decision to block my card without any proactive consideration of my overseas situation. If your customer service officers had been a pinch more proactive, they would have notice from my transaction history over the past 8 months that I will always make payment of a similar amount every month and always within this period of time. This admittedly is payment for lodging rent. My urgency to receive the new card would have also indicated my reliance on this specific credit card to make regular payments. All of these had been conveniently ignored, your complacent actions have not only placed me in extreme inconvenience, an immense contradiction to the supposed convenience a credit card offers, but also in great embarrassment when my credit card was repeatedly rejected. Even in drafting this complaint, I am unable to use the appropriate channel for 'account related instructions' because my PIN has been denied, again without my knowledge and consent.
Unless I am provided with a substantiated response to why my card had been blocked without my knowledge or consent, I cannot find your actions acceptable or justifiable. I simply cannot understand why my existing card cannot be kept active up till the receipt of the new card. Aside from improving the “proactive-ness” of your service staff, I seek a prompt and valid explanation to why critical information such as the blocking of my card was not made known to me and also to why I am being denied access to my personal online account. I am honestly contemplating the termination of this account, if not for my being overseas and this unfortunate reliance on my only credit card here.
I await your prompt reply.
Sincerely,
Spencer Giam
And so I waited for a response, moments later Tiffany called with news of a new revelation. The saga has struck its crux, and in many an epic battle, the crux is where threads to commonsense disintegrates. I leave you to read the second letter, tormanguished, I released the fury of a hundred crying babies.
To: Chief Executive Officer, Douchebank Singapore Ltd
Customer Service Director, Douchebank Singapore Ltd
Ref: Unethical Business Practices
Dear so and so,
With furtherance to my previous complaint Ref: Unacceptable Customer Service, it is with great distress that I present more information over the matter. Ever since the beginning of this episode, I have been led to believe that my Douchebank Platinum Opaque Visa Card had been blocked in preparation for the delivery of my new card. Yet over the preceding six hours, it has come to my attention that I have been ridiculously misled and ill informed.
On the 16th of September, I made a call from Australia to the customer service hotline enquiring on the sudden termination of my visa card. Attended by an officer named Jessica, I was led to believe that my existing card had been blocked. When questioned to why such a matter was not brought to my attention, the response was that the previous officer might have had an oversight in the provision of such critical information. As mentioned, I have been scrambling on my toes, sourcing for alternative payment modes for my regular rent payment. Through numerous overseas calls back home to my family in Singapore, an alarming reality was brought to my attention.
My spouse too have made a call to your organisation enquiring over this issue, amazingly the response provided to her was that “I” had reported for a loss card and as such all transactions and access to my visa card account was frozen. I am sincerely overwhelmed by what your organisation has done. Not only did your staff report for a loss card on my behalf without my consent, I had been kept in the dark all this time. I am awfully intrigued by how your staff manages a customer’s requests. As modest as I can be, I cannot help but wonder that this “loss of card” was made for the convenience of your organisation and at my expense.
What ever happened to the code of ethics in your organisation. One of your shared values clearly states that, “We have a responsibility to OUR CLIENTS. We must put our clients first, provide superior advice, products and services, and always act with the highest level of integrity.” I truly doubt that omitting information to mislead a customer is in fact ‘acting with the highest level of integrity’. In your organisation’s code of conduct, you preach aspirations to be known as, “A company with the highest standards of ethical conduct—working to earn client trust, day in and day out.” After my experience today, I am inclined to believe otherwise. Can an organisation, with such ill standards of business ethics and corporate governance, be truly deserving of Euromoney’s Best Bank in Singapore Award. I have begun to lose considerable faith in Douchebank despite my years as a customer, and sincerely seek your clarification on this façade that has been presented before me.
Furthermore, aside from the lack of personal and business ethics, I must also comment on the degree of competency of your customer service officers. As mentioned, my spouse spoke with one of your officers, Jessica, over a phone call to your customer service hotline. Despite repeated requests for a justifiable course of action to remedy this issue, my spouse was explicitly reminded that “there is nothing we can do”. Yet the most definitive response was the clear and outright defiance to the recommendation of surfacing this matter to the Monetary Authority of Singapore. Your staff had challenged a customer, once again allow me to emphasize on the remarkable façade that has been presented before me.
It is noteworthy that within a short span of 24 hours, your organisation has managed to place unnecessary stress, burden and anxiety on my spouse and both my retired parents, not to speak about the added embarrassment and inconvenience I had to personally bear as a result of your organisation’s actions. All this skillfully orchestrated, while my family and I were unwittingly led to believe that this was all merely procedural. In light of all that has happened, how then should I justify the numerous and costly overseas calls I had to make to remedy my situation, how then should I justify the additional and unnecessary stress and anxiety I had to endure.
I look to your office for a prompt and substantiated response.
Sincerely,
Spencer Giam
It is amazing how an issue so small can cause uproar simply because of mismanagement. I did manage to pay my rent though but the issue was no longer about the money, but the actual adherence to the psychological contract made between buyer and seller. In every single ethics and management literature I’ve dwelled in, it has always been established that a customer has the right to make informed choices. But suppose it was just a mere matter of incorrect procedures, which it was, the consumer has the right to that information even should he chooses it at his own expense. Nevertheless, after a series of calls and apologies, this letter was delivered.
Dear Mr Giam
Please refer to our telephone conversations the last 2 days. Please accept our sincere apologies for the frustrations and inconvenience caused to you and your family members when our officer, Jessica Simpson, did not provide complete information when she replaced your douchebank card on 14 Sep 2007.
We have retrieved the conversation and acknowledged that the service provided was less than satisfactory. A stern warning has been given to Jessica and we will be monitoring her work more closely to ensure that she improves on her service delivery. Mr Giam, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to give us your feedback on our services. We appreciate your patience and understanding in this matter. Please be assured that Douchebank is committed to provide quality service to our customers and it is only through your valuable feedback that we are able to do so.
By way of apology, I will be sending a hamper for your family as well as $100 Crystal Jade dining vouchers to your mailing address at Tampines tomorrow (after 7pm). Should you need any assistance on your account, please contact my Customer Service Manager, Jessica Alba at xxxxxxx and I am available at xxxxxxx. We look forward to your continued support on our Douchebank credit cards.
Yours sincerely
Jessica Rabbit
Head Banking Services
Douchebank Singapore
I was never after the compensation, nor was I after an apology. It had to made clear to them that customers do not appreciate such transference of cost. That something was fundamentally wrong with the system, and some form of intervention had to be introduced. I was promised that such an incident would never happen again, but that too was probably a façade.
Its been a while now and I do think back that my ‘tormanguish’ might have blinded my rationality as a consumer. Giving them the benefit of doubt, the staff who made that unfortunate decision might have been consciously following normal procedures, it might not be totally her fault. Yet deep within, I ask myself, “What is the product I’m purchasing here” It's definitely not the card, it's a service, an intangible service for convenience. And should such a product fail in its delivery of its expected attributes, it is, under any pretext, a faulty product. So as we have seen, the moral here would be "If you're selling service, understand that the converse is not loss of sales but the generation of ‘tormanguish’.
Epilogue
“Mr Giam, if you can allow us a day to investigate…”
“Sure, no problem”
“Thank you Mr Giam. In the meantime, is there anything else we can do for you?”
“Try not to…enough damage has been done already”
Me & Customer Service Manager
As most would know, I am in Australia finishing my degree. Tiffany had been spending time with me here till September when she returned to Singapore. After she left, my live returned to the lonely wreck that it was, however, remnants of her presence were everywhere. For instance, during the weekends we would try to bake. Tiffany had purchased a snack oven; it was a steal at just AU$30, and we would try to bake, cookies, biscuits and the sort. On most occasions, the outcome often did not meet the desired results we had hoped for. Some suffered burn injuries, over 70% burns in some cases. In others, there was, some may argue, some form of erectile dysfunction, the cookies that were meant to be hard turned soft and collapsed. On one occasion, we experimented with crossbreeds, creating new hybrid cookies, a splice between a well-formed coconut cookie and a dysfunctional coffee cookie. The mutation gave varying results, some would turn out pretty with a nice palatable texture, while some had simply lost the basic
characteristics of fundamentally being a cookie. I believe this would be what Darwin would refer to as the process of ‘Natural Selection’. But on the whole, the experience would more often than not yield acceptable and palatable results. 
As most would know, I am in Australia finishing my degree. Tiffany had been spending time with me here till September when she returned to Singapore. After she left, my live returned to the lonely wreck that it was, however, remnants of her presence were everywhere. For instance, during the weekends we would try to bake. Tiffany had purchased a snack oven; it was a steal at just AU$30, and we would try to bake, cookies, biscuits and the sort. On most occasions, the outcome often did not meet the desired results we had hoped for. Some suffered burn injuries, over 70% burns in some cases. In others, there was, some may argue, some form of erectile dysfunction, the cookies that were meant to be hard turned soft and collapsed. On one occasion, we experimented with crossbreeds, creating new hybrid cookies, a splice between a well-formed coconut cookie and a dysfunctional coffee cookie. The mutation gave varying results, some would turn out pretty with a nice palatable texture, while some had simply lost the basic
characteristics of fundamentally being a cookie. I believe this would be what Darwin would refer to as the process of ‘Natural Selection’. But on the whole, the experience would more often than not yield acceptable and palatable results. 
So what about perseverance am I to be yapping about? Apparently, a lot of the ingredients, like flour and sugar were still in abundance. Hence, keeping to our tradition I proceeded to bake, only this time, doing it alone. On the first occasion, I wanted to make bread. Yes, your eyes did not mirage, I said bread in a snack oven. So I looked up a recipe on the Internet, followed it strictly like how Tiffany would, shoved it in the oven and crossed my fingers. What came out was a lump of carbohydrates so chemically bounded that I had problem cutting it. The disaster was to the extent that if I were to drop it on the kitchen counter at a height of 30cm, the resulting ‘clank’ would be on the same tangent as dropping a saucepan at the same height. I was heartbroken, devastated and emotionally torn apart. I had hoped to for a favourable result, allowing me to rekindle the messy yet wonderful moments when Tiffany was here. I got quite depressed seriously, over this inability to bake something properly. A week went by and I did notice that this failure did somehow affect my performance at campus. I was lethargic and restless, as weird as it seems, it really did happen. I had to resolve this, it was nagging feeling I had to answer, much of like that itch you have between the crevasses of your rear posterior. (I am
undoubtedly a master with euphemisms) And so I tried again, this time completely ignoring any recipe whatsoever. The results were very satisfying indeed. It had a nice thin crust, a sweet aroma of vanilla and a soft delectable pallet. Believe me, I really wish I could let you taste it.
This loaf of bread, I dedicate to my lovely wife, who despite her absence, guided me, helped me, tugged on me, whispered to me, gleamed with me and prided with me.
